some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
