i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
