I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
