When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
