apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
organizing the empties. That sober.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
