Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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