I heard we made out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
