im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
