Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
