You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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