you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
