I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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