Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
