Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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