Got a toothbrush?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to make a zoo with you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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