We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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