I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
