bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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