where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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