Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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