I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
