I met the friendliest cop last night
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
