What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
