i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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