Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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