Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he puts the penis in happiness.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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