i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
