I think my fart just growled at me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
