i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
