If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
