I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
