i wish my penis had a tongue
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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