then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
