So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
