My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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