You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
