Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize