Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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