i don't like sucking hair
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
