he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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