if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
