I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
