Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize