Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
