fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
