Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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