If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
