I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I see more hoeing in ur future
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