Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
