Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
