my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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