Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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