im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
