could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
