Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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