I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
