why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
