I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
