I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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