good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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