Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize