This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
