I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
