I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
