apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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