I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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