I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
