I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
