I bet he comes in French.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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