She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
