im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
