Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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