come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
3pm strippers are depressing
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just forgot I was standing up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize