WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
