apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
